I’ve had this blog post in the works for a long time, because this is something I am currently working through on a personal and professional level. I’ve been working through perfectionism and trying to be the best at everything I do. I have this skewed idea that if I’m not the best then I’m the worst. As I talk to more and more people I notice that I’m not alone in this train of thought. I tend think about things as “all or nothing”.
I do it at work, when I am working on a client and they’ve asked me to address multiple areas but I get stuck on one area that I find dysfunction. I’m determined to get rid of it before moving on and that leaves me with little time to treat other areas. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing because they could always come back for the rest of it, but for people who have financial or time limitations to their care, I don’t always get another chance to fulfill their every need. And if I can’t fulfill their needs or make someones discomfort go away or at least positively change it in 1 treatment, it makes me feel bad and it makes me feel like a shitty RMT.
I do it it at home when I am sitting on the couch watching TV instead of doing something productive like working out, running, stretching, reading, cross stitching (because I have a big project in the works right now), blogging or cleaning. I feel like a bad person because I don’t have the energy to do much in the moment.
Society teaches us how we should and shouldn’t be. In turn, we create these unrealistic standards that are impossible to hold ourselves to. When we don’t reach these standards thats when shit hits the fan. We tear ourselves down and hope for a better tomorrow. Then tomorrow just becomes another day of setting high expectations and trying to reach unattainable goals.
I’ve realized that I’ve spent a lot of wasted energy beating myself up for doing things (and not doing things) that weren’t up to my stupidly high standards or society’s unrealistic standards.
But, I think it's a lot more mental energy to beat ourselves up for things rather than lift ourselves for even trying. For whatever reason it is just so much easier to go to that negative headspace rather than remain rational and forgiving.
So I’m trying this new thing.
I’m trying to be kinder to myself and encourage others to be kinder to themselves for doing something even though it might not be “enough” in their eyes. I’m trying to celebrate the small wins for myself, friends, family and my clients.
I want people to know that what you did and what you do will always be ENOUGH.
Everyday you always give your best in any given moment, without actively trying. Realistically, you would have to go out of your way to do or be the worst.
We need to stop dwelling on the little details and the shoulda/woulda/coulda’s and just be proud that we woke up and did something that helped us get through the day. We should be proud that we are honouring what our bodies and minds need rather than letting society dictate what we need. If we keep shoving our body and mind aside to fit into some unrealistic norm, then we drift further away from ourselves.
Really pause and think about your needs in the moment though. You might be feeling anxious, closed off, worn out. You might be feeling happy, energized, and ready for the next thing. Pause. Reflect on your internal environment and really check in to see how you can let the negative energy pass through or embrace the positive energy. That might mean doing a workout or it might mean meditating or nothing at all. Just check in with yourself.
Your day may not have included a hard workout, eating vegetables, or stretching but it might have included you being able to take your time in the morning to make a breakfast before work, going for a walk in the evening before bed, maybe you did a 30min workout rather than a 2hr one or maybe you did none of that and ate ice cream while watching TV. It doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you should be proud of yourself for pausing, figuring out what you need in the moment, and doing that thing.
For my therapist friends, if clients aren’t following your recommendations, challenge them to just try it one time before they see you again. Maybe its just 1 set of something or a 30sec stretch. Be proud that they remembered your recommendation and gave it a shot. Celebrating the small wins with them will gently push them towards larger goals and that will ultimately improve their outcomes with you.
I challenge everyone to think of your daily “to-done” list before you fall asleep rather than your next day’s to-do list. Look at everything you did in a day and be proud that you did ALL that.
The only thing we should be doing is be proud that we’re honouring what we need today because forgiving ourselves today will give us more energy for that workout, stretch, or whatever else we need to do tomorrow.
Wishing you kindness to yourself,
-Felicia
Comments