I started going to therapy in July of 2019. I was in massage school, feeling stressed, and noticing that I was depressed to the point I was constantly late for class due to not wanting to get out of bed. I loved school but even that wasn’t enough for me to push through the mornings. At the time I was also competitively weightlifting and that took a huge impact on my self esteem. I never felt strong enough. I never felt good enough. So I talked to my doctor, she put my on anti depressants and paired me with a councillor. My goal at the time with these sessions was to get my self esteem back, and I did. I felt great I had more confidence in and out of the gym and I felt better about getting up for school. It even gave me the guts to value my needs and end a long term relationship that wasn’t serving me.
So I stopped going.
Fast forward to 2021 and working as an RMT full time. All my anxieties and insecurities came back along with my depression and mood swings. This lead be to a new therapist and on my first meet with her she wanted to get to know me and my background. I told her about my family, my friends, and my past relationships. I told her about bullies I had and insecurities I felt.
And then she asked me a very triggering question.
“Do you consider yourself or know what it means to be a highly sensitive person?”.
The reason this was triggering for me was because I’ve always known it but I spent my whole life trying to hide it. I hated the idea of being thought of as weak and being sensitive, I was made to feel, was a sign of weakness. Deep down I always felt small and weak compared to others around me because of how I absorbed the energy around me and how easily overwhelmed I was in loud, crowded settings.
So when my therapist asked me about being sensitive I immediately tensed up. I was finally facing the truth to my identity that I’ve always known, never accepted, and tried to hide.
She validated my experience completely. She told me she identifies as a highly sensitive person too and told me that being a highly sensitive health care professional comes with a hefty set of challenges but also lot's of rewards.
First thing she had me do is read “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron.
This book has validated my whole life and my whole being.
So please if you have a chance visit the website and read this book!!
In summary, being a highly sensitive person (HSP) means you are extremely empathic. You absorb the energy of others and sometimes this leaves you feeling emotions you have no idea why. Your sympathetic nervous system is running constantly in the background as you are always subconsciously vigilant of potential danger. You may find that you have a better sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch, or taste than others in your group.
I know for me, I’ve noticed that my sense of smell is much stronger than my partner’s who doesn’t identify as an HSP. He often is surprised at my ability to smell something going bad in our garbage.
Because of how you and your body responds to your surroundings, you find safety in quiet and in nature. Those places recharge you where as most of the population gets recharged by being around others. You may have felt invalidated by this, you may have felt like something was wrong with you for needing time away from people.
You likely run through potential scenarios in your head. When making decisions you think about the potential risks and benefits that come from making said decision and this in turn may leave you a bit more timid or reluctant when entering new situations.
One of my biggest take-aways when learning about what it means to be an HSP is how much people like us are needed in society. Animals who survive in the wild are the ones who are vigilant and have heightened senses. That’s us. We are the people who would detect danger before anyone else in our communities and would be the first to alert others of risks.
After I read this book my whole perspective on myself changed. I finally felt like I belonged. I felt like my sensitivities are needed (even though they’ve been undervalued) in society. I started being proud of this trait and talking about it more. I realized a whole bunch of people that I’m close to identify as an HSP too. I’ve also been able to identify it in my clients and my new found knowledge has helped me open their eyes to it too.
Knowing and accepting this trait has allowed me to be what my friends, family, and clients need.
I encourage you to read this book whether or not you relate to this trait, there is a chance that someone you are close to or someone that enters your life can benefit from your knowledge about the highly sensitive trait.
Thanks for reading!
-Felicia
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